Supporting a Picky Eater
A Deeper Look at What’s Going On and How to Help
Picky eating is a common phase for many children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, but for some families it becomes more than just a passing stage. If mealtimes feel stressful, food choices are extremely limited, or your child’s eating habits are impacting their growth, this resource is for you! There’s a difference between a “picky eater” and a child with feeding challenges. A child with picky eating might prefer familiar foods but still tries new things occasionally. A child with a feeding challenge might become distressed around unfamiliar foods, eat fewer than 20 foods, or avoid entire food groups. Understanding the why behind picky eating is key to supporting lasting change and often, that means exploring sensory processing, oral motor development, and mealtime dynamics.
Sensory Processing
One of the first things to consider is your child’s sensory system. Eating is one of the most sensory rich experiences we have. It involves taste, smell, temperature, texture, color, and even the sound of chewing. For kids with sensory sensitivities, this overwhelming mix can cause stress or even physical discomfort. A child who gags at the sight of a new food or insists on only eating a specific brand of crackers may be protecting themselves from sensory overload.
Before Meals: Help your child regulate and prepare their body for eating. Activities like animal walks, bouncing on a mini trampoline, carrying something heavy, or doing a short obstacle course can provide calming “heavy work” input to organize their system. Letting your child play with tactile materials (like kinetic sand, dry rice, or even a food they don’t have to eat like yogurt or applesauce) helps them explore new textures safely. Oral sensory prep like chewing on a chewy toy or sipping a smoothie through a straw can also help the mouth feel more organized.
During Meals: Create a calm, sensory friendly environment to support your child’s nervous system. Reduce background noise and stick to a predictable setup. Make sure your child’s feet are flat and their body is well supported to promote stability and focus. Short movement breaks during the meal may help reset an overwhelmed child.
Always include at least one familiar ‘safe food’ alongside any new or less preferred options. And keep in mind, eating doesn’t begin with chewing and swallowing. It begins with tolerating food, in their space or even just in the room! The Steps to Eating hierarchy is a developmental process that shows how children gradually learn to accept new foods by first feeling safe around them. Before a bite ever happens, a child may need to simply sit near the food, look at it, touch it, smell it, or poke it with a utensil. These small interactions, placing the food on their plate or sniffing it, are all valid and meaningful progress. What might look like just playing with food is often an important part of how children explore and build comfort at their own pace. For some kids, food itself can help regulate the system. Cold items (like frozen fruit or yogurt), crunchy textures (like pretzels or apple slices), or bold flavors (like citrus or pickles) provide extra oral sensory input that can help “wake up” the mouth and increase engagement at the table.
After Meals: Offer your child a calming transition away from the table like snuggling in a blanket, quiet play, deep pressure input through a bear hug, or swing time. Celebrate the effort they made, even if no new food was eaten. “You touched the carrot with your spoon today!” or “You helped scoop your own yogurt!” reinforces safety and trust.
It’s normal for progress to look slow, especially with sensory based eating challenges. Every child has their own timeline, and even tiny steps forward are worth celebrating.
Oral Motor Skills
In addition to sensory processing, it’s important to look at oral motor skills. These are the muscles and movements that help children chew and swallow safely. A child who avoids chewy or mixed textures may be struggling with poor coordination or weak muscles. Signs like messy eating, overstuffing the mouth, pocketing food in the cheeks, or chewing with an open mouth can all point to an oral motor challenge. Just like any other muscles in the body, the lips, tongue, and jaw can get stronger and more coordinated with practice. And it doesn’t have to feel like therapy, it can look like play! Blowing bubbles, sipping thick liquids through a straw, making silly tongue movements in the mirror, or chewing on a safe, resistive chewy toy are all great ways to build the oral motor foundation needed for eating.
Just like strong sensory input can help kids stay more regulated, adding bold flavors, crunchy textures, or cold temperatures can ‘wake up’ the mouth, increasing awareness and supporting coordination while eating. For children who seem to drool excessively or struggle to move food efficiently, strong sensory input, like a tart orange slice or a frozen yogurt pop, can alert the oral cavity and activate the muscles. This blend of sensory stimulation and motor coordination helps create more successful mealtimes.
It’s also important to know that some children have difficulty sensing what’s happening inside their body including where food is in their mouth or whether they feel hungry or full. This type of internal awareness is called interoception, and it plays a key role in mealtimes. When this awareness is underdeveloped, children may overstuff their mouths or chew inefficiently. To support these skills, try modeling slow, exaggerated chewing and encourage your child to chew with lips closed or take sips of water between bites. Offer foods that match their current abilities in size and texture, and watch for signs of fatigue.
Mealtime Environment
Even with strong sensory and oral motor foundations, the emotional tone of mealtime can make or break a child’s willingness to engage with food. If meals have become full of pressure or linked with negative emotions, children may begin to associate eating with stress even if they’re physically capable of eating more. Creating a calm and pressure free environment helps rebuild trust around food. That means allowing your child to eat (or not eat) without constant bribery or shame. Give them the freedom to explore, it’s all part of the process.
Before the Meal: Create a predictable routine. This could include cooking together, washing hands, helping set the table, choosing their seat or plate, or using a simple visual countdown to help transition from play. Regulate your own energy and expectations, kids notice more than we think.
During the Meal: Keep it simple. Sit and eat together when you can. Avoid distractions like TV or tablets, and keep conversation light and engaging (but not necessarily focused on the food). Let your child see you model interest in a variety of foods, even if they’re not expected to eat them.
Instead of saying “just try a bite,” try:
“You don’t have to eat it, let’s squish it instead”
“Let’s go on a food rescue mission!”
“I wonder what would happen if…”
“I wonder how it would sound if…”
After the Meal: End on a positive note. Focus on what your child did do, whether that was sitting at the table for longer, helping serve, touching a new food, or tolerating a new smell. Skip the guilt or lectures about what they didn’t do. Positive associations build trust, which is key to long-term change. Pro tip: Let your child see you exploring new foods with curiosity even if you’re unsure about them too. Your comfort helps build theirs.
When to Seek Support
If you’ve tried these strategies and mealtimes are still a struggle, it may be time to consult a feeding specialist, especially if your child:
Eats fewer than 20 foods
Gags, vomits, or panics around new textures
Has extreme reactions to smells or food touching
Overstuffs, pockets, or chews ineffectively
Has a history of reflux, constipation, airway concerns, or traumatic feeding events
A speech language pathologist (speech therapist) or occupational therapist with feeding experience can assess your child’s skills. We often collaborate with pediatricians, ENTs, GI specialists, dietitians, and airway focused dentists to ensure the full picture is addressed because feeding is never just one thing.
Meaningful Connections can help!
Supporting a picky eater means looking at the whole child: sensory system, motor skills, emotional safety, and medical history included. It means making small shifts that reduce stress and create room for connection at the table. At Meaningful Connections Pediatrics, I specialize in feeding therapy that’s collaborative & highly individualized. Whether your child is a cautious eater, avoiding textures, or struggling with chewing, I’m here to help. Reach out today to schedule a free phone consult, or visit my website to explore how I support families just like yours because no one should have to navigate this alone.
